A quick Google search will showcase the myriad number of articles written about the dating world of men, and with only a precursory glance one will quickly notice that most of these articles are written by women. It does not take long to quickly realize that many of these articles are skewed in favor of women. Proclaiming catchy (fear-mongering) titles "Why men have given up on Dating", "Less Men are choosing to Date" Many of these articles only glean the surface of the truth, and the argument they present is often one-sided. Men have given up dating because women are too leveled up for the basement dwelling men lacking the finances to meet a modern women's standards.
But taking the stance that "All women are delusional" or all men are losers is not a viable answer to the question, why does dating feel impossible for both genders. I will even go further and say all genders. No one is finding the act of courtship fun. (the numerous videos of women crying in their cars on TikTok should be evidence of this) My approach is to find a middle ground between the two sides of the argument as I believe, like most complex questions, it requires a nuanced response.
Men and women typically fall on a scale, and for ease of understanding let us use a traditional 10 point scale. (1 being low and 10 being the best) While men and women will both tend to overestimate their own attractiveness, popular channels highlight many women screaming about being, "The table" and there are a fair share of guys we see from a distance that you can smell a mile away that do not get why ladies do not love the stench of unwashed laundry and boiled cabbage, but these men and women automatically get docked a point for overconfidence in themselves.
A brief aside, I am not coming at this dating question from a cynical viewpoint. I have had good relationships and bad relationships, just as I have had good and bad dating experiences. Where my frustration comes from is that the advice of "Men need to level up to get these boss-babe women" does little to find a solution, and simply leaves both sides at an impasse.
Yes! You should workout, Yes! you should not be a sloth or smell like stale mountain Dew, obviously. But the notion of just workout, focus on yourself, and you will meet the partner of your dreams does not hold up on further examination. The advice of most articles, blogs, vlogs, etc. out there is be the best version of yourself that you can. Get rock hard abs, get a promotion, be intelligent, charismatic, have a thin waste, have a low body count. Sure this is all general great advice, but I feel like it is all just beating a dead horse.
People who smoke do not need the surgeon warning about the health risks; everyone knows cigarettes are bad for you, everyone knows to exercise and eat more fruits and vegetables. We all know what we should and can do to be better version of ourselves. There is no lack of information or unsolicited advice from friends and strangers out there.
Yet, In the majority of the relationships I have been in, I am the one who has been in better shape (not trying to flex here, but I can if needed) The point is, there is no guarantee that any amount of self-improvement you do on yourself is going to manifest the perfect match in a partner. If anything, it will limit your options out there. I have always found that the closer you are to the middle the more people there are around you. The further you are to either extreme, whether perceived or actual, the less people there are.
If you workout and weigh less than the average American man or woman chances are you do not see many people your size walking around, and vice versa. If you weigh five hundred lbs., chances are you are going to have trouble in situations that are designed for the average body, the average person. The people society is built for. It is why plane seats, chairs, cars, literally everything is designed for the average person.
Sure there are people who fall outside the range of average, but these people are anomalies, they are exceptions, and not the rule.
Now I am not giving the advice that if you want to find a partner, make yourself as average as possible, but statistically speaking the closer you are to average the more options for viable partners you have out there.
Just like everything in life, most things and people are not forever. I have seen this happen with many aspects over the years. When you give up drinking for a summer, you lose friends that are not able to enjoy your company without a cold beer at arm's reach, or you make a subtle change like, (gasp) paying attention to the way you dress and start going to the gym.
Over time, certain friendships disappear because as we evolve as men, sometimes those around us do not want to evolve with us. You find it is lonely as you enter new tax brackets, read new books, get new promotions, eat healthy. Journeys of self-improvement are often lonely because you are focusing on the self, and that is you.
Sometimes we must give up relationships in the aim of self-mastery, self-discovery. We become the hermit sage, left to his mountaintop cave to meditate, and achieve the best version of himself, but the less time you spend on the mountainside, the more you will be around other people. And if your goal is to meet someone and date them you want to be around other people.
It is important to achieve a balance of mountain time and people time. Too much time on the mountain, and you risk losing touch with others, but too much time with people and you may find yourself losing touch with whatever mission you are on.
The good news is we do not have to wall ourselves away in our mountain homes, nor do we need to fear the company of those we share when we are in the village (people time) we can achieve a balance of seasons. Still, over years and time you might find your mountain dwelling a little lonely, but maybe someday you will find someone willing to make the climb with you.
Do not lose hope over the current world of dating; everything has a season and trends come and go. Hopefully, over time, we can begin to develop some truth about the best approach for men when it comes to the world of dating. Welcome to the new blog!
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